i knew you losing your mum was the hardest thing you ever went through.i didnt know quite how hard though.every night i have just a couple of hours sleep.i fight to sleep cause all i ever see is you.not much of your smiling face but of you laying there on the floor,how it happened,what you had to go through,how you must of thought of us.i understand totally now why you had to take so many tablets,ones to help you sleep,ones that made your mind less busy.what id like to say is I'm sorry Mum,sorry for not beginning to understand how hard it was losing your mum,sorry for all your years of heartache without her.sorry not to know the meaning of true heartbreak,until the day i lost you that is.now i know what its like mum,i was always so scared of losing you,i got so cross with you sometimes but only because i was scared of losing you.now im lonely without you.i miss you so very much.now i cant sleep,my minds always busy,and it will be til the day i die.and if there truly is a god,you'll be waiting for me,patiently as ever.I love and miss you dearly,my darling Mother xxx